Lamaze Part II

Posted on January 9, 2010 by louloupink

Lamaze class always makes for good jokes and fun. This week we watched a video of a live birth of a baby. When the baby was born, they set her on the mother’s stomach and wiped her down with a towel, cut the cord and allowed her to nurse. After the movie was over the teacher asked if we had any questions. A girl raised her hand and said, “Are they going to set that disgusting baby on me without cleaning it up.” I am not kidding. I tried to smile at her because I don’t like anyone to feel uncomfortable and I thought maybe she was joking about it. But, she went on and on and I found myself staring at her with a sour puss look on my face, jaw dropped, scoffing. Maybe she didn’t mean to get pregnant.

And then came the moment where the baby daddy was supposed to tell the baby mama 3 phrases of encouragement that they might say to us when we are dying of pain. When it came to the aforementioned scared of her own disgusting baby’s filth husband, he pulled a pickle wrapped in plastic wrap out of his pocket and said that he would bribe her to keep going with a pickle.

What?

But really, I would like to hear how you got through your birth. Was there anything you wish you would have done differently…like not touch your baby until it was clean? All joking aside, really was there anything you wish you would have brought with you, asked for more directly, made more clear before the whole insanity started? I am getting ready to make my birthing plan. I realize that nothing is set in stone when it comes to childbirth, but I do have a pretty clear idea of how I want things to be handled that are in my control. I would love to hear about yours.

I just hope my baby comes out clean.

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Comments (4)

 

  1. Steve says:
    01/09/2010 at 12:40 am

    I’ll bring a pickle.

  2. amy one-ill says:
    01/09/2010 at 5:25 pm

    you are the best writer. hilarious. suspenseful but you don’t drag out the punch. bravo. more please.

    pickles. hmmm. symbolic?

    i have lots of regrets/ramblings/etc not sure if i want to share them on the internet machine but have no problem rambling on about them in the classroom from time to time. will tell you when i come to st louie some time in the next month. i heart you!

  3. admin says:
    01/09/2010 at 8:51 pm

    Thanks Amy. You always make me feel so good. I can’t wait to hear your regrets/ramblings. Please come see me!

  4. Lisa says:
    01/13/2010 at 1:11 am

    This is probably way too mundane to even mention, but one thing I was really glad I packed was all kinds of Lifesavers to suck on. I hated not being able to eat the whole time you’re in labor and the Lifesavers somehow distracted me and made me happy. I had actually forgotten all about those until I read your blog post.

    I had a birth plan too for #2 and #3 and both times the nurses sort of glanced at it and said, “yeah, that’s all pretty standard.” I remembered feeling bummed that my birth plan was so dull and unoriginal–almost like they had caught me plagarizing it from the internet (which I did of course).

    Also, one thing I would say about labor was that it was not nearly as scary/bad/horrendous as I thought it would be, even with my oldest (with whom they ultimately had to use a vacuum on because of her ginormous noggin). Maybe because I did have an epidural at 6cm or so, or maybe this is mommy amnesia, but I really did enjoy almost the whole thing. It is just the most amazing thing ever.

    Oh, and that reminds me (Jeez, am I rambling or what?) one thing that Frank and I did for all three kiddos was to write each of them a letter shortly after their birth (like when they were a month or 6 weeks old) telling them all about what it was like during their birth and what they were like as newborns. It’s strange, but little details like the name of your nurse or what song was playing when they came into the world fades from your memory if you don’t write it down.

    Alright, I’ll shut up now. I love reading your blog!